I have been good. I have been not good. I generally swing between these two moods a bit. It is one of my many balances in life during this pandemic. This week particularly has been good. I’m kinda stick with my routine. Which is early wake up; read a bit; fuck around on socials; and get to work. Inbetween that I am reading articles. Watching Youtube. Exercise a bit. Oh, and grab some food to munch on fosho. That has kinda been my routine. I try breaking up the monotony of it all by getting outside (bring the kiddies wit me). Walk around a bit and just enjoy nature. Nature is relaxing and just recharges my ‘energy’.
Lately been trying to just figure some shit out. Where do you go from here? I say that like there is no time. I have plenty of time. I just feel something should be done, now. Which is probably the root of my problem. I feel like something needs to be done now. I have been trying to drive in my thick skull. That you have to enjoy the side quests. 2020 is a whole ass side quest. It is time to think introspectively; think a bit deeper; and frfr I just want to be a better man. Honestly, I do not subscribe to the idea of being leader of the house. I do not subscribe to being provider of the house. I do not prescribe to being protector.
What I think a man should do is work with his significant other. If y’all building a life together. Shouldn’t we consult one another. Should we not have our own dreams and aspirations? And somehow make that work harmoniously with our lives. Are we not equals? That perhaps think differently and are different in many respects. Their should not be a protector of the house. I want us to both protect our ‘house’. Should we both not be productive members of society; and not earn wages for our labor? Or become proprietor of a need and or service.
Honestly for me a man is a master of himself and himself only. I hold no dominion over anyone or anything. The only control I have is over oneself. Often this is forgotten. We (I) yearn for control but it is such an illusion. Control is toxic and will eat you alive.
Also a man only has a couple of things in his life that he owns. Ya, name and ya word. Everything is in a name. From it meaning to how people speak on it. Ya word should be bond. Be impeccable with ya words. Because word generally mean things. Word can be powerful be careful how you yield it. Next, I think a man should be able to defend himself. Again that has to do with mastery. I think I am searching for mastery. Mastery of self. Mastery of emotion. Mastery of word. Mastery of self. Then maybe I can mend my broken spirit. Then I can love harder. Maybe I can realize that my other half is in the same fight. I want to love you more and I cannot use my broken spirit as an excuse.
I am taking a mental health day y’all. Just going to take care of my basic needs. Shower. Hygiene. Exercise. Eat. Etc, etc. I hope all are well during these trying times. We will get through this difficult time. Honestly thought it the damn waiting. I hate waiting! LOL!
On a more positive note. It is a new month. Hey, April! How you doing? Yea, that’s nice sit yo ass down; I do not want to hear a fucking peep!!! Not a damn one! You betta act like you got some damn sense!
p.s. I got my which y’all. I do not have to be out in public for my birthday. I am fucking ecstatic! Don’t mind me I am weird. I do not like to celebrate my born day. We may have to unpack that one day. Okay, bye.
So I heard through the grapevine that we are stuck in the house for another 30 days. Honestly I expected this situation to get worse before it improved. So as always please practice social distancing; wash your hands; utilize hand sanitizer if you cannot was hands; but when you get that chance washing your hands is so much better; and please be careful if you have a compromised immune system. Or if you have health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and lung disease. Of course these precautions are inclusive but not an exhaustive list.
Anywhos! I have been catching up on some TV. So I finally caught this new show on Freeform called ‘Motherland: Fort Salem’ Bro! This shit is hot and gave me an updated Buffy the Vampire feel. Well except more diverse of course. Instead of slayers we get witches. These witches are cool AF!!! I highly recommend watching. I am almost up to date with my anime. I do not binge my anime so I am behind the rest of y’all. I follow my episodes on Toonami/Cartoon Network. I am really into Demon Slayer. I am at the point of the series where we finally meet the master of the Demon Slayer corps and Hashira. I hate all of these mofos. I am definitely team Nezuko and Tanjiro!!!
Ooo, aye I finally seen ‘Hidden Figures’. I got a little (understatement) fired up watching stories like these. It fucking blows my mind the way we were treated say 50+ years ago (and still to this day!). Like I am glad the women of got what they deserved. Like why the hell you going to bitch about someone not doing work; when they have to walk a country mile to go use the bathroom; or mothafuckas won’t drink from the same coffee pot. Not only that they were playing all of them especially since they were women. Hell NASA needed Kathrine Goble, Dorothy Vaughn, and Mary Jackson. Hell NASA needed all them women!!! See I’m a little fired up ya’ll. What did y’all watch this weekend?
I have been trying to stay active during this stay at home fuck shit. Last week I got two home workouts completed. This week I’ll shoot for three home workouts. My workout Sunday never happen because my other half wanted to go walking and cook breakfast (and dinner). So I kinda worked out. But in my head walking isn’t a workout. I mean it is but I wasn’t the workout I wanted to do. Don’t mind me y’all.
Not going to lie getting outside to get some fresh air helped me clear my mind. I feel as refreshed as one could be during a time like this. I try to stay positive and say it will be over soon. Honestly it will be over. This is just a part of life where shit just happens. And we have to cope and press forward.
I am taking sometime to get my voting life together. Here up in O-H-I-O we are scheduled for voting 3/17/2020. There are some local issues that need to be researched before next Tuesday. I will be researching over thenweek and weekend. The following week they’re some ideas swirling in my head for posts. In the mean while please stay healthy out here. Please, please wash your hands; do not touch your face; cough in your arm or just cover you mouth
If you have ever held a basketball; played a pick up game; watch your favorite team; and or consumed sports media. You may (or may not) have heard the pharase, “Ball is Life”. I myself have interpreted the phrase as having love and passion for the game of basketball. You may also have (or not) heard the phrase, “Ball don’t lie”. This phrase or at least my interpretation of it pretty much sums up. You cannot trash talk and then be shitty at playing the sport.
I recall playing plenty of basketball at Woodhill park. I myself was not and verbalize that I sucked at basketball. My defense was pretty decent and I would get you some rebounds. But nothing outside of that. My favorite player back in the day was definitely Michael Jordan! Who didn’t like MJ!?!? Over the years my friends and I would emulate our favorite players game. Again, I sucked but someone who plays like me was Dennis Rodman. I fucks wit Dennis Rodman!
Now what does this have to do with grappling and or Jiu-Jitsu? Plenty actually! You can draw lots of parallels from basketball to grappling. Where love and passion run amok on the mats. Everywhere around the globe! You might want to say, “Mat is Life”. You have to have a love and passion to do combat sports. Or you just probably won’t make it that far. I remember coming up as a white belt on up. My favorite ‘player’ was and still is Marcelo Garcia and Ronaldo Suza aka ‘Jacare’. Obviously that was a minute ago! I am starting to get back into watching JJ footage and events. My fav new guys right now are…Idk I fucks wit Danher death squad for sho. It is impressive how effective and dominating they are right now. I also like guys like Andris Brunovskis, DJ Jackson, and Tim Spriggs. Also I fucks with young Mikey Musumeci!
As the new year is moving forward. I am finding my love for Jiu-Jitsu. It was never a lack of passion. But definitely was not loving the game like I use too. Pretty much I type all of that to say this. Jiu-Jitsu people come from all walks of life. In life we are at certain stages or stations. Currently at my current station in life. I happen to be what I would call a hobbyist. I do not train like back in my 20s. I’m in my late 30s now (Going to be 37! Holy fuck!). I am a whole as parent now! I got sponsibillities now!!!
I was listening to a podcast ChewJitsu run by Nick Albin and Dr. Tsozik (https://chewjitsu.libsyn.com). He (Chewy) mentioned ego death. From at least how I interpreted it. Ego death is where you use to do something. I.e. MMA. But some years past by and you still trying to do MMA; but you might run a school; or be a parent and a professional; or insert you personal story…you know what I mean? So as a hobbyist. I have spent years! Trying to figure out how to just be consistent with training. On top of your other ‘hats’ that you where.
I would honestly say just get in where you fit in. That’s the ‘advice’. Some months you will be happy with how you a progressing. Other months (say February!!!) you won’t train at all. Which brings me to my next coveats. 1) Brain is thinking about Jiu-Jitsu. Perhaps you cannot train like you want. So you take this time to prioritize. Maybe you needed the break anyways. Cuz, there is not an off season for combat sports. But your body needs that rest. So work your mind instead. YouTube (YT) would be my go to resource. Now you have to be specific!!! On what you would like to learn or just get the brain going. Me personally I watch matches. I like to see different people roll. I like to do imagery where I imagine myself in that position and think how would I react.
Two, when you do train. Again specific! You do not have the time to be like. Sheit Ima just do whatever. Which is cool sometimes because you need that break from the madness. But lets not make that a habit. Specific. I do not know anything from top position of side control. I want to learn how to control and finish from the back (Bain of my existence). I want to learn how to defend leg locks or attack leg locks. Begin to really specify what you want to do. You ain’t got time Cuz! Trust me!
Finally I leave you with this tibet. Your why you started in it simplest form is love and passion for Jiu-Jitsu. Find a way to keep loving the game. And if you don’t love the game. Then maybe you need to rethink your relationship with the game. Ya dig? Keep that passion burning (goals!!!!!!!). Seriously setting goals and just being a student of the game should be enough. And if you are like fuck this shit! You either just need a break; or fix something within yourself (attitude); or fix something in your life; or fix your physical health; or get some help with your mental health. That is it! Seriously!